Help a Friend

What You Can Say…

• Say "I'm sorry";

• Give them the opportunity to talk about their loved one;

• Allow them to share their memories;

• Use the deceased person's name;

• Validate that grieving is normal;

• Ask them how you can help.

What You Can Do

• Attend the service;

• Offer referrals to local support groups;

• Give them reading material;

• Volunteer to make phone calls, run errands;

• Help with transportation arrangements;

• Support ritual and rite of death;

• Make frequent contact over the months.

What You Can Write

A thoughtful note is both a tribute to the deceased and a source of comfort and courage to the living. The purpose of a note is to let them know that you are thinking of them and offering your support.

The message should include three components:

• Acknowledge the loss of their loved one;

• Express your sympathy in a sincere way;

• Offer assistance. Remember, the best support you can offer the bereaved is to listen and be understanding. You don't need to say much. You just need to be there for them.

When someone dies, a child experiences the same feelings of loss, sadness, anger, fear – and sometimes, guilt. The same as any adult would. Children, however, lack the life experience and maturity necessary to adequately cope with the death of a parent, sibling or close friend. How a child learns to understand and accept death as a natural part of life will mold their attitudes and behavior for the rest of their life. When adults fail to effectively help a child deal with grief, that child can carry those wounds into adulthood. He or she will likely be unable to help others, including their own children, deal with death.

How can you can help a child

• Be open and honest about the death and the funeral plans;

• Assure the child it is not their fault by carefully explaining the facts surrounding the death and assuring the child they were in no way responsible;

• Dispel fears the child may have about themselves or others close to them also dying. Encourage the child to discuss their fears openly;

• Allow the child to attend the funeral. It allows the child to "say good-bye" to the deceased and helps bring closure. Prior to any ceremony, describe what a funeral and burial are like – and what the child can expect to see;

• Suggest the child write a letter or draw a picture for the deceased;

Let the child know that their grief will pass, that their feelings are natural, they are not alone, and that life will eventually return to normal.